My Son Exploded In The Hallway!

This post is not for the faint at heart.  It's not for the weak stomached.  You've been warned.

If you know my family well, you also probably know that Reilly normally has a really hard time pooping.  I mean, a REALLY hard time.  The entire process usually starts sometime in the morning and isn't productive until shortly after nap time.  It's a very loud, very painful ordeal.  Even with medicine every morning in his milk.  He grunts, groans and cries.  He also sits down, no matter what he is doing, so he can grab his knees and scrunch up his face.  It breaks my heart every time.  He usually times it just about right so we go through the process in a public place.  Like a grocery cart or a restaurant as soon as the waiter walks up.  It's fantastic.

Well, tonight we were getting ready to get in the shower.  Another thing about my son is that he really likes his "naked time."  So generally, we get him undressed in the living room, and then he gets to do a couple of naked laps around the house and then runs into the shower.  It was no different this time.  He got undressed, started his laps and the giggling began.

I went to the bathroom to get the shower ready and saw him in the hallway.  All of a sudden, he sat down and groaned.  REALLY LOUDLY.  I shouted, "No, Reilly, You don't have a diaper on."  He stood up and continued his run.  On the second time around, he sat down once again, and groaned REALLY LOUDLY.  I again shouted, "No buddy!"  He didn't move.  He was literally 29 inches from the toilet, so I quick grabbed him up (he stayed in what we call the pooping position, knees pulled up, face scrunched) and I whipped him over to the toilet.  When I saw whipped him to the toilet, I mean flew him through the air at a high rate of speed.

TOO LATE.

As he was flying through the air, MY SON EXPLODED.  More poop than I have ever seen come out of him.  GREEN poop.  MASSIVE AMOUNTS of poop.  SLIMY poop.  POOP that splatters on the floor when it lands POOP.  So much poop.

As I'm holding him on the toilet (which was unnecessary since he was done) I began to survey the damage.  There was a small amount of poop where he was first sitting.  There was poop on the hallway closet door, sliming its way to the floor, leaving a nice green streak in its aftermath.  There was poop on the bathroom floor.  There was poop on the outside of the toilet.  So much poop.

Thankfully Dave has a stronger stomach than I do, he was the poop cleaner upper.  I was gagging, Dave was scooping poop and Reilly was standing naked in the bathroom screaming, thinking we were mad at him.  Dave sent me to the basement to get more paper towel.  As I was down there, I hear screaming, then giggling, then screaming again.  Then I hear Dave just start laughing.  Evidently, Reilly wasn't quite done...he then started peeing all over the floor.  AWESOME.

As Dave was cleaning the remaining poop up, he says, "Well, at least we have hard wood floors, this would be really bad on carpet."  Yea.  At least we have hard wood floors.