A Helpless Feeling

Ugh. I was recently talking to one of my dear friends telling her about my experiences of being a mommy. She's an amazing person, friend, mother, co-worker and role model. Through the past years that I've known her, I've learned countless lessons from her and really look up to her. She has been amazing since I've had Reilly, calling nearly every day to see how we are doing and if we need anything.

The last time we were talking, it was the same day that I had found out that Reilly had to have an Upper G.I. test on Tuesday to see why he always gets sick when he is done eating. I was sharing my concerns with her, and I knew she could hear the tears in my voice. She let me vent about how unfair life is and ask over and over why he had to go through this test when he hasn't done anything to deserve it. She listened and sympathised with me. Her next comment really struck me and it's been on my mind ever since.

Here's what she said. "Kori, welcome to motherhood. All of those times that people told you that you could never imagine loving anyone as much as you would love your son suddenly seems so true. You are officially a mommy because you now know what it feels like to be helpless to a situation no matter how hard you try or what you do. Unfortunately, this will be the first of many times like these."

I've thought about what she said a lot since then. Here's my conclusions...this part of motherhood stinks! There is nothing I would love more than to fix Reilly's tummy so that he doesn't spit up each time he eats. I want to fix his belly so that he's not in pain, I want to wave a wand and make him better. I just can't. And it STINKS! This helpless feeling STINKS!

I have realized in the past 20 days that there is no greater joy than being this little man's mama. He is the most precious gift I've ever been given and I am so blessed to call him mine. It's true, you don't know your heart's capacity to love until you see your child for the very first time. I just wish my love for him could fix his belly!